Freedom from years of pain

This past December 2012,  I received major breakage from something that held onto me for four-five years. Basically, I went through a very long period of inferiority, low self-worth and I cared too much what others thought of me, in which it affected the way I treated others. Little did I know, that I was only feeding the demons that tortured me for so long. It all fell into different areas such as: girls that started doing mean things to me for no reason, bullying, men that insulted me with sexist comments, people who thought I wouldn’t make my dreams or goals in life– things like that. I fed those demons that tortured me at night for years and years by the way I treated them back in a non-Godly way. I had people (anonymous) in H.S. who told me I should become a stripper, or that I should marry an old guy with lots of money because I wasn’t going anywhere. It didn’t help that in high school I was sexually assaulted for the first time in my life.

These things kept adding up, and they lowered my candle light everyday until it became black, and I no longer shed Gods light through me but that of darkness and bitterness towards Gods people.

b632628be134b79091974cffb292d636Then December 2012 came, and God told me to pick myself up and it was time to change. My beautiful mom helped me with the whole process as well as my family. I am fast forwarding the healing process. Here’s how I know God really can change your life around and heal your spirit like you never thought before through the little things. Girls that use to glare at me are now randomly smiling at me and I’m smiling back. Men are continuing their little remarks here and there to me, but it doesn’t take root in me like it used to. And if men say something rude, I defend myself in a pleasant way that doesn’t make me feel like an ugly person later. satan still knows what I went through and he’s going to try to come at me even harder now. I’m standing up for myself, but it doesn’t mean I’m glaring back or being harshly rude back. I’m smiling to those that hurt me now and catching them off guard. It’s like I realized that standing up for yourself doesn’t always mean yelling or making a scene, sometimes it’s with a gentle word or smile. I realized sure I get hurt by people– but I also hurt people in return. What good does that do? It’s like every step I take now, God sprinkled a little sugar in front of my feet and every step just becomes sweeter and sweeter like honey. I don’t regret the past four years at all, but by golly. . .the freedom I could have had instead of letting every single person who hurt me, affect me. His word has helped me majorly at night as well. Those walls that I put up are broken. I got really good at putting up walls to people. Sometimes, I’d put up walls with someone if things were starting to get deep just because I still felt inferior because of my past. It was so silly. I wasted so much time putting up walls when I could have benefited from the goodness of others and close relationships.

I’m finally allowing people in and not giving them the icy handshake I once got so used too, that my hands became numb to the goodness and warmth of others and what happiness they could bring to my life.

The ice has melted and I finally know what a sincere smile means or what a genuine hug brings to the heart. I also know what sincere forgiveness feels like. I just encourage you that if you’re going through anything similar, there is freedom. Freedom from anything that is holding you in bondage: drugs, alcohol, adultery, depression, anything. “But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life” (Romans 6:22). I am going to chase my dreams in life and I will follow my heart and God. With God by my side, no one can take away my peace. I only hope that I can now share my peace with others. God is good. “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path” (Psalm 119:105).

Advertisements

30 thoughts on “Freedom from years of pain

  1. mylifedaybydayblog

    This is beautiful! I love how open you were…absolutely fantastic! I have a bi-annual conference for my ministry called the Freedom Conference that I would love to talk to you about. Please let me know how to reach you. I appreciate ya!

    Many, many, many blessings!

    Like

  2. Gloryteller

    Thank you for your testimony. Yes, spiritual warfare is real. I was a prisoner of war who was set free eight years ago, same as you. Whenever you are trying to break out the enemy will step up the attacks, but the One who is our strength will take up his sword for you. Just speak His name. Thanks for visiting my site, sister, and thanks for yours. My niece is a Korean orphan. I’ve known her for sixteen years and she is a delightful child of God.

    Like

  3. debbiecarson422

    That was wonderful! It is called “freedom in Christ” and it is what every born-again believer has but does not realize it because the prince of this world is talking in people’s heads that there is nothing they can do. God’s power is where it all begins, but the Christian has to take that power and apply it where it is needed. Spiritual warfare is real and we have to learn how to deal with the enemy – not fear him. He is defeated and he knows it, hopefully more Christians will learn and live victorious lives. Keep close to Christ and listen to His Spirit. You are going to do damage to the kingdom of Hell.

    Like

  4. Preston Rentz

    What a great testament to the power of God’s love and grace. Even if others don’t change their behavior, he can give us a whole new outlook and cause us to view others differently. Your story is a real inspiration. Your courage is contagious.

    Like

  5. godcrazzzy

    wow, I would’ve never even guessed. In ur writings ur so warm, inviting and enchanting. thanks for ur honesty. May Jesus continue to deliver you from all the enemies’ traps and bring you soaring like an eagle. Blessings sister in Christ.

    Like

  6. Freedomborn

    Wonderful, Wonderful, Wonderful, what a beautiful woman of strength you are Savannah, your Love for the Lord and Compassion for others shines through your words.

    Below is a Link to a message on my other Blog, Kingdom’s Garden, if I knew your e-mail address I would send the e-mail of it to you, to remind you just how special you are, thank you so much for your honesty and for sharing your heart’s focus.

    http://alifeofhopeandjoy.wordpress.com/2012/02/05/beautiful-woman-of-strength/

    Christian Love Always – Anne

    Like

  7. Mark

    We should never let our insecurities get the better hand of us and always look at our lives in the way God see us ( it will bring faith to your heart despite of the way we look at ourselves with all our weakness and lacks ). Its wonderful to read the work of God taking place in your life. There’s no greater joy than to hear of God change a life. Continue to open your heart and allow Him to bring this work of freedom He has accomplished on the cross for us into your life.

    Like

    • Savannah Hardcastle

      Thank you, Marc. Yea, sometimes God puts us at rock bottom so that when we come out of the bottom, we know who truly was our ROCK who pulled us out! I heard that in a saying once. I’m not sure if I’m saying it right.

      Like

Leave your voice here!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s