7 healing things I did when my first love ended in heartbreak

At 24, I fell in love for the first time in my life. I gave him everything my heart had ever longed to give to someone in a deep, real, and special way. In regards to love, it was the first time I felt what putting someone’s happiness before your own has meant. I’ve never taken love lightly; I was patiently waiting until I felt my heart was ready to love selflessly. I dated a guy for a couple weeks in college, but it wasn’t until 5 years later that I decided to truly say yes to a genuine, actual relationship. I had no idea my heart could love anybody the way that I loved him; it was intense and real for me. He was my first kiss too. Yes, my first kiss was at age 24. I was waiting to give it to the person I was certain I’d be walking down the aisle to one day. I saw him being that man and I thought he wanted to be that man too. I could easily regret many things from my time with him, but I’m not. I would rather love as strong as I did than to not have loved at all. My heart was just being brave. Before we broke up, I wrestled with hurt, broken feelings for a week trying to bear my reality until I realized—there was a reason my heart wasn’t trying to bear it. The pain was too deep, and somethings just aren’t recoverable. I remember the pivotal moment when I knew I had to let go; I couldn’t grip anything hard enough. The collapse of my heart was immense and it felt like angels would never stop cleaning up the rubble.

As easy as it would be to write about what happened, I don’t think that would help anybody (or me for that matter)—though it would probably give you a clearer perspective as to why it’s taken my heart three months to feel like it’s breathing again. In the midst of healing, these seven things have helped in tremendous ways to mend my heart ache. I hope they help you too if you’re climbing up this mountain.

Praying.

Even if you don’t know where to start and they’re more of a babble than anything, your prayers will turn to a confident, “Thank you, Father.”

Getting rid of the memories.

Pictures, letters, first date pressed flowers, hand-made gifts not yet given to him, the shoe box of kept memories from every date—were all thrown away. You don’t need to be reminded of painful memories on top of the heartbreak you’re feeling.

Deleting them off Facebook (or whatever social accounts you may have).

It helps, trust me and if you can—do it. I didn’t delete the mutual friends until two months later and regret not having done so sooner. The only person I cared to tell about this moving on part of the process before I removed her was his mother. She sent me sweet words the day after we broke-up and she cared enough to talk and pray with me two months later. That day meant a lot.

Saying goodbye to music that triggers pain.

Say goodbye to Adele and hello to Needtobreathe or more uplifting music. The power of music is just that—power. Listen to music that will breathe life into your lungs again. Music wants to help you, let it.

Talking with people who care.

My mother is the kind of mom who would call me every night she could to see how I was doing. I remember how countless phone calls of crying and venting turned to laughter and healing because of her. My twin was my shoulder to cry on, the person with me everyday who kept encouraging me until I reached the breaking point. Our Saturday morning coffee time doesn’t consist of me blowing my nose or tasting tears in my drink and it feels so good. Between long calls with my mother, face-time chats with my older sister, vents with friends, and long cries with my twin, I had every reason to not keep anything bottled in. Just be real with them. They care.

Never holding in tears.

More than anything, I believe in a God who tells me there is a time to love, a time to let go, a time to weep, and a time to heal and laugh (Ecclesiastes 3). You see, you don’t just have to get over it. He’s compassionate and understands going through healing. However, like any other wound would heal, so does heartbreak.

I never ripped off the band-aid until it was done bleeding. I never held in my tears when they needed to fall and I stayed true to what I was actually feeling; that has made all the difference.

The heartbreak that came with what happened wounded me so deep that my heart felt a deep ache for three months. Yes, tears flowed for 90 days straight, but eventually they went from showers of rain to light drizzles and I’m not ashamed. My twin sister sent me a text one night after I had expressed to her how much I wished the ache and tears would go away and this is what she said:

“Don’t forget, angel, that even whales whose hearts are the size of cars, cry too. So just cry. Everything will be okay. Those same whales break the surface of the waters and literally sing in joy. And you will too.” 

I didn’t know that two weeks later after reading that, I would finally reach that breaking point. I got so tired of drowning in my own tears that eventually I needed to swim up and breathe.

Despite that I still feel a light ache, I’m grateful the deep ache is gone as well as the tears.

Recognizing when the deep pain is subsiding and choosing to move on. 

I turned 25 this past February and I thought it’d be a move on day, but my heart was still climbing up. The breakthrough finally came in the beginning of this month. One morning, the deep pain wasn’t so deep anymore and I couldn’t go another fourth of a year feeling like this. I then had a dream I drove into a garage and saw a frail, dead woman clothed in a red dress lying in a casket. I backed up in thick fear, drove around the block, came back to the home, and she was alive. I woke up realizing I needed to lay to rest this relationship before my heart was the one that became dead and for the sake of my health. The corpse coming back to life showed me I had reluctance to move on by continuing to resurrect what happened. I finally buried my heartbreak in the ground and chose to finish the hike. I moved on.

The pain I felt turned into a scar; only a reminder now of how much I’m capable of loving someone.

So, I’m finally atop this mountain and my heart is tired, but like any good, tough and long hike, my heart is that much stronger.

Never forget that there is someone who will always love you, always be there for you, die for you, and never let you go. I call him Father, Redeemer, Jesus Christ and in this particular season, I’ve called him my Healer. The song below came on the radio driving home from work one day and it’s a song that turned my cry around into one of healing. I pray your breakthrough comes soon, dear friend. I think you were very brave, and are brave, and you’ll be brave again.

Advertisements

69 thoughts on “7 healing things I did when my first love ended in heartbreak

  1. KrizSummer

    Hello Sav!

    I’m one of your avid readers, I must say. :) I love how you share your stories and I somehow look up to you for that. :)

    I’ve read this article months ago, and it doesn’t speak to me that much…not until today. Just before the year ends, someone broke my heart. :'( It was not the same story as yours but I know it’s painful when you need to pick up the pieces of your heart after it breaks. My story is a story of unrequited love. I have memories that lingers, but all of it were just wrong signals. I cried many times over this. I feel like I am the slowest learner.

    I remembered your article today while crying over this pain. I thought it’s good to read it once more, and I was right. :)

    Thank you, Sav, for writing this. I need to do some moving on, too, because a much closer friendship was built between me and that guy. I’m glad to be able to read this today. I hope I can have the courage to do those things that you’ve written. :)

    God bless you, Sav. Keep writing. :)

    In Christ,
    KrizSummer

    Like

    • Savannah Hardcastle

      Hi sweet Kriz,
      Wow..how my heart aches for you in dealing with this heartache..mine was right before the year ended too (2015, that is). 2016 was hard and you can gather much of it from the article, but truly friend..doing these things helped…I also prayed very much, a lot, every day…I tried to not keep alone…where my thoughts would wander…
      I am so sorry for your pain, dear sister…truly I am. Know this though, God heals..and if He healed me, He will heal you…a year later, he brought me the man of my dreams, whom I’m with now..and he is more than I could have asked for..and so caring. God has better for you. Please email me if you wish to vent more…I will be there for you in this season.:)
      -Sav

      Liked by 1 person

    • KrizSummer

      Thank you so much, Sav! ☺ I’ll email you once I need some advice. ☺ I’ll try not to be alone, too. Because I’m often just inside my room and let my thoughts wander. ☺ But I’ll try to follow your advice. 😊 Thank you for replying. That means a lot. God bless you.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Savannah Hardcastle

      Always here for you:)
      “God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Coritnthians 1: 3-7
      God bless you :) Happy Wednesday!

      Like

    • Chañel

      I know I am a little late on the comments but I read your comment and immediately my mind flashed back. I too have a story. I too felt like I was the slowest learner because of how long it took me to move forward. I too cried my heart out. I remember nights when my chest ached and I found myself wondering, “…Wow! This is a broken heart…” But you know, one day you will wake up and at the end of the day, you will realize that you haven’t thought about that person. One day you will start singing again and feel extremely good inside. One day you will be able to listen all your favourite songs within feeling all the pain that are now attached to them. One day, that person and the pain will be a distant memory and your heart will be whole. Live for that day.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. geminilvr

    I loved this especially – “I got so tired of drowning in my own tears that eventually I needed to swim up and breathe”. I just started blogging about all of my relationships – some humorous and some stories are heartbreaking.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. hallenterprises132

    Good decent men still exist in the world. I married one over 20 years ago.

    We have been through hell and back together. The first year of marriage I was diagnosed with a disease that runs in my mother’s side of the family. After my diagnoses, all my female relatives on that side finally got a straight answer to their health problems. They all have some form of multiple sclerosis like me! The doctors where I grew up just said we were nuts, hallucinating problems that weren’t really there. Left the state to attend college. The day after college graduation, we got married in the church we both had been attending. Ended up getting a decent chiropractor to work on my back problems, He ended up sending me to have a M.R.I. preformed on my spine. It showed I had either spinal cancer or multiple sclerosis. The guy I was dating stuck by me. Was sent to a neurologist who made me get another M.R.I. with contrast this time. Turned out he confirmed the chiropractor’s decision that I could no longer be helped by him. Had relapsive-remitiove multiple sclerosis.

    We have relocated all throughout the Midwestern U.S.A. and 7 years in Colorado together. No plans of moving from our current home in MN. Great neighbors and decent transportation for people confined to wheelchairs like I am now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Savannah Hardcastle

      Thanks for reading. And thanks for sharing some of your story.
      Happy to hear your hope has brought you to where you are now. I am wishing you all the best. I am so sorry for all that you have gone through though…you are a fighter!
      YES, good men do still exist– and will ALWAYS exist in my opinion! :)

      Like

  4. Prissy

    Dear, Savannah, Your personal testimony is so honest, inspirational and beautiful and in life we all face disappointment and pain, but remember (All things work together for the good of them that love God). God has a purpose for all of our experiences, and he is working it all out for our greater good, continue to keep God first in your life, God has great blessings awaiting you.

    Like

  5. kkedzia

    Savannah, I can not tell you how much this helped me, even so long after my own heart break. Your words ring so true to my own heart, “I remember the pivotal moment when I knew I had to let go; I couldn’t grip anything hard enough. The collapse of my heart was immense and it felt like angels would never stop cleaning up the rubble.” – ugh

    I broke up with the man I loved a year ago, choosing obedience to God over what I wanted. Absolutely applied the steps above and agree 100%. I am also only now in the last few months learning how to move on. I held on for way to long. Acceptance is so clutch. <3 Thank you so much for sharing your heart! God does not leave loose ends. His plan for us is perfect and He will reveal in His time. This past year has been the hardest of my life, it has also been the most healing and transforming. I would not be who I am without it, hens, as much as I would never want to do it again I am grateful for it and would not trade it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Savannah Hardcastle

      Hello dear Kasia.<3
      Thanks for the read..I'm more happy that you could relate and confirm things from your own personal experience. Thanks for sharing some of your heart with me. I'm sorry your heart has had to go through heartbreak, but like you said, you have transformed.
      It took several months to let go of the pain that my deepest love for someone was not enough for them. The friends I’ve found in my home church now have immensely helped me through prayer and just actually loving me (which is what I deeply needed and lacked in the beginning stages of my break-up:post 2 months especially). I am here for you if you ever need someone to chat with!! :o)
      Much love,
      sav
      This song is for you! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAmh3yvmzXs

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Bhanu

    You are a fighter and you inspire others. It takes a great deal of effort to embrace the challenges and situations placed by Life. You have dealt with them wonderfully and also shared to fellow readers. Good Job.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. ashleyeharvey

    Wow. I am thankful for your sharing. I am a crier. This was so perfect for me. “More than anything, I believe in a God who tells me there is a time to love, a time to let go, a time to weep, and a time to heal and laugh (Ecclesiastes 3). You see, you don’t just have to get over it. He’s compassionate and understands going through healing. However, like any other wound would heal, so does heartbreak.”

    Jesus is for you. I believe you won’t be disappointed with the kind of Godly Man Husband that will be in your future <3

    Liked by 1 person

    • Savannah Hardcastle

      Sweet Ashley! Oh man, can we relate together on both being criers! I’d never experienced this kind of pain before and so I fully allowed myself to feel it and let it out properly. It was like when I was in the relationship, I had let every single wall down, every guard, so I had nothing to protect me or make the pain softer once that kind of heartbreak hit (that I did not see coming).
      I have all the hope in the world on what God is doing in my love life! I am so proud of myself for not sticking in something that was not right.
      Much love and hugs to you, dear friend!
      -Sav

      Liked by 1 person

    • Savannah Hardcastle

      Thanks for visiting and following my journey. I’m really glad I wrote this post in the midst of still going through pain and healing, because it seems to have touched others in a more real way. It wasn’t an easy write but I’m grateful that I have this venue to express my heart for others. Happy Easter! Just followed your awesome plantastic site :).
      -Sav

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Mrs.Dee

    Very well versed.Love does not always turn out as planned or love the way we may want it or envision it may not even happen with the one we choose. The supreme maker has someone and something different in store for you,This was a very touching post, thanks for sharing.You made a new fan and follower here. All bloggers must unite,lol

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Bev Cunningham

    I love your transparency, sweet Savannah. There is definitely heartache in this world–some in broken relationships and some in other aspects of our lives. The amazing grace that comes only from Jesus is what gets us through. I love your advice. Prayer is so important. There’s a Facebook saying that I see every once in awhile that says something like this–do you really pray, or are you just talking about praying! I have to check myself to be certain that prayer is a verb with me. It’s so fun to see our little Savannah growing in to a beautiful woman–one who not only loves God, but intimately knows him. Love you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Savannah Hardcastle

      Very true. After a full month of crying, I thought surely there’s no way my eyes will produce more tears. But every time my heart felt the sting again, it was inevitable. The pain went deep, because I truly loved him. So, I cried, and I’m glad I allowed myself to truly experience the whole thing–all the feelings–all the pain. I’ve only come out stronger <3 Thanks for the read. :) Looking forward to following your blog.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. pruningthetwig

    Hi there :) Thank you for visiting. So timely. I needed to hear these exact words. You have no idea. I know GOD is real but there are just some days when you KNOW He is real. I don’t know if that makes sense. Thank you. I’m still walking on this journey… So timely…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Savannah Hardcastle

      The song you posted is often what I would tell my heart a lot: “Are we out of the woods yet?” I enjoyed for KING and COUNTRY’s version so much more obviously. Thanks for posting that.
      And your statement makes perfect sense :) Know you are not alone on this journey. I am so happy this post touched you in a way, as that is the main reason I write.
      Hugs to you, dear sister! I am here if you need to vent about anything!
      -Sav

      Liked by 1 person

    • pruningthetwig

      Awww…. I feel like I’ve met a kindred spirit :) It actually is such a blessing how I have stumbled onto your blog. Id like to explain more in the coming days but for now I’d like to just say this, I am so grateful to the Lord and the way He brings His bride, the church together in unexpected ways. Thank you Sav :) I will certainly be in touch… Blessings!!!

      Steph

      Like

    • Savannah Hardcastle

      So good to hear from you, Victoria. <3 I thank you for your prayers. It feels good to write again– it's only been a year!
      Let me know if there is anything I can be praying for you about? I hope you have been better health wise, sweet friend.
      -Sav

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Tessa

    Ooh… this gave me the push I needed to get rid of the rest of the memory-inducing things I had. I knew I needed to, but I wasn’t quite willing until I read this and felt confirmation. Such good points about mutual Facebook friends and triggering music, too. All of your points are wildly true and helpful, actually; this whole post reminded me to stay healthy. Thank you.

    And YES! You loved. Never regret loving someone well. Your Father is proud of you for it. Thank you for sharing all of this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Savannah Hardcastle

      Hi Tessa, oh that brings me much joy! This post has accomplished it’s purpose then!
      I’m here for you if you need to further vent or anything. I pray your heart continues to know how loved and cared for you are by our adoring Father.
      -Sav <3

      Like

Leave your voice here!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s